Can you HEAR me?

Happy Monday!!! 






Can You HEAR me??? Do you SEE me? Picture this, screaming into a pillow so no one can hear you. That’s what this picture illustrates. I had my first therapy appointment since being diagnosed with cancer.  I feel like I find myself often screaming on the inside, so that no one will hear me. I don’t want judgment, or to be considered the broken wing friend. I’m tired. And I keep asking if there is still something wrong with me, since I see so many others feeling fine post chemo, and surgery. Why do they feel fine? Why am I tired. Why am I wanting to scream at the top of my lungs so now people will hear and see me? Did I suppress too much during the last 8-10 months? Did I try to be somebody I am not for the sake of others ? Was I afraid of being too dark, even though that’s how I was feeling? The weirdest part is a lot of times I feel nothing. I am a very emotionally expressive person- and lately I don’t even know HOW I feel. I want to be the best version of myself, but how can I do that if I don’t feel like myself? Bloated belly? Short hair? No energy to lift weights like use to? 

I’ve felt lately I want to be heard, without judgement. I’ve felt silenced through my #cancerjourney  somehow. I notice I find myself more and more having to explain myself to people who just don’t get it. Sometimes the best thing you really can do for someone who is going through something you can’t relate to is to just #listen. I know by nature our response is to want to relate something to someone else- but that’s not always what is best. You do NOT have to get it. But being there and listening can BE huge for someone trying to unravel the web of emotions that something like cancer, chemo, and multiple surgeries has caused. Now, I’m not saying #cancer is the only thing causing many life changes, and that it’s the worse situation. But this is my experience and I know a lot of people always want to do and be better and don’t always know what to do or say. So my thoughts for this beautiful Monday, is just be there, be present and listen. The expectation of understanding me is NOT there :) Be #compassionate 🥰 #happiness #family #cancersucks #breastcancerawareness



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